


Falling short of Agape

by Next_Please



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Self-Worth Issues, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:01:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26729347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Next_Please/pseuds/Next_Please
Summary: Skyfire is jealous that Optimus is Starscream's Bondmate.-a prompt for alexkier on Tumblr, featuring Skyfire as the narrator.
Relationships: Optimus Prime/Starscream
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	Falling short of Agape

Starscream was beautiful when he was happy.

But then, Skyfire had always thought the mech cut a dashing figure. And how could he not? He thought, fetching another spritzer from a member the wait staff orbiting his table. To him, Starscream was life. He was a hydrogen fuel cell made sentient; all highly explosive reactant barely contained within that tiny but fierce frame. Never one to hide his feelings, his body sung with the strength of his emotions. Naturally, positive stimuli would only enhance the good qualities that already there rather than distract from it. And it was infectious because when Starscream was happy, it was hard not to be swept away with his enthusiasm. It was rare for the shuttle to feel anything else.

Even now, when that joy came at a price, Skyfire was still glad to see Starscream in good spirits.

Today was a happy day; one meant to mark the birth of something wonderful and precious. It was inappropriate for him to mourn the loss of what would have never been. So, he had hardened his resolve that morning and scrubbed his frame until it sparkled. Afterward, he had gone to his scheduled appointment with a known specialist to be professionally detailed and waxed. The final results had given him enough self-assurance to make it to the arranged place and time.

No matter what coding his memory banks spat into the executable loading directly into his processor, he refused to let his emotions run away with him.

His mind was committed to the task, but his troublesome spark had declared the mission worthy of Sisyphus, far easier said than done. He had held himself together during the actual ritus ceremony and performed his part well enough. There had not been much expectation besides show up and look presentable, and he had done so without maudlin melodrama. So, the cosmos had seen Skyfire standing with Starscream's trine, proudly supporting his fellow when the seeker had needed him. He had endured the trial without exposing his awkwardness or causing himself public embarrassment.

Even the Prime had painted a more obvious portrait of nervousness than he had!

Anyone watching the broadcast would've seen how the Autobots' acclaimed Commander-in-Chief, champion of the great civil war, had been briefly reduced to stuttering during the oaths. Their leader had reset his vocalizer and carried on as if it had never happened, but they all knew Skywarp would never allow any of them to forget. He could easily imagine the small flyer deriving pleasure from the mistake for centuries to come.

They had stuck around to have the moment recorded before leaving for the after-party. And somehow, it was the reception that had presented the biggest challenge to his act.

Newlyweds, he had discovered to his initial amusement, were indecently clingy.

From his seat, he could see the ex-Decepticon using Prime as a perch fielding question after question from the mechanisms surrounding them. The Prime looked comfortable, the ease he held himself while Starscream looked down upon whoever was attempting to gain the speaker's attention spoke of close intimacy. They were comfortable in the other's company, and all Cybertron would know it. They had performed the ancient rites out of order, but political expediency had demanded the change. Witnessing the interactions of the newly bonded Junxies would prove to any doubters in the audience that they were connected in a way that second-hand news of the pair's bond alone could not bring.

It had had the same effect on him.

Observing their behavior patterns in person had confirmed what he had already known. As much as he might have wanted Starscream's romantic interest, the smaller mechanism did not feel the same. Skyfire could fancy him all he wanted, but they would never have a proper walking out. That was why, when Starscream had dropped by to invite him personally, he had pasted on his best friendly grin and declared himself happy for them. 

There was not much else he could have done and still call himself the seeker's friend.

He had not wanted Starscream to realize his feelings for him went beyond acceptable parameters for a platonic friendship. It would have made things awkward when he had only just gotten his friend back. He did not want to ruin things by confessing long-hidden secrets now that they had had the chance to patch things up. Given another chance, he would lie again, if only to see the genuine smile that had overtaken the seeker's face.

If he was honest with himself, it should not have been much of a sacrifice.

Not sure Skyfire had never thought he had had a chance at attaining Starscream's romantic interest in the first place. There were too many differences. Physically, he was unremarkable. Unlike Starscream, he had never been content with his plating. As for social pursuits? The two could not be more different. 

It did not surprise him that Starscream had married a politician. 

The status might have given Skyfire's past self-pause, but that had nothing to do with Starscream. Rather, he would not have thought there would have been a true Prime to wed. He would have dismissed such a thing as the stuff of legend. He would have thought the events to be yet another myth the batch code initiators told the newly forged when attempting to push them into their rest cycle. 

After all, none of the other genuine Primes had married. 

Not even the love of Solus and Megatronus had endured. So how could a cold-constructed mech have the honor of mating with such a being when all others had failed? No, the minders would have never been allowed to tell such a tale. They would have undoubtedly perished for spreading sedition.

But when the hypothetical mech was Starscream, that had somehow made everything else seem almost expected.

He had always been unconventional. When they had only been two budding scientists in search of patrons who might fund their research, it had been Starscream who had dealt with the wealthy elites. Low caste as the other flier might have been, he made wining and dining with the rich and powerful look as easy as scratching Talc. Skyfire, by comparison, had always run short of topic points to discuss. Talks with him tended to include long, excruciating reticence interrupted by fake coughs and abruptly remembered appointments they had only recently realized they were late for. Perhaps, with the right mecha, he could have learned to be a politician's conjunx. But he could have never been the politician himself.

His ideal home would be utilitarian in purpose. A well-lit lab fixed at even homogeneous temperatures and included an enthusiastic partner with whom he would conduct his experiments. He had always wanted his spouse to be Starscream, but destiny had other purposes in mind for them.

The newly wedded endurae were content in their relationship. Even a blind techno-shrew could have understood with the complicated but serene affection that intertwined comfortingly in their fields. But while he had been willing to step aside, intent on keeping his emotions forever close to his spark. The domesticity of their interactions dug at something deep within him.

He took another sip at his cup of Polonium spritzer and considered taking his leave. He wanted to support his friend's marriage to the most eligible mech on the planet but watching the subject of his infatuation interacting with said husband was not good for him.

And seeing the excellence in someone else's conjunx made him feel like a degenerate.

Truthfully, he had thought the other scientist beautiful before he had developed a crush on the other scientist. It was an unspoken law of the universe. Energy was constantly in motion. Matter could not be created or destroyed. Starscream was a vision of loveliness beyond compare. He would severely dispute the conclusions of any bot who argued otherwise.

In absolute anonymity, of course.

He chuckled, imagining Starscream's likely response to a thirty-page exposition on the matter of his own loveliness. Yet it soon became a sigh as he watched Starscream lower his head and lean in close to his Endura’s face. The Prime had dropped his battle-mask, the commander's features now presented to his groom.

There was a brief moment of faltering hesitation that seemed to ask, 'Is this adequate?'. 

Apparently, it was because, in an instant, the couple had crossed the remaining distance between them. Skyfire could see their helms pressed together in a display of passion he recognized from the human holovids Swerve kept at his bar.

Something inside his processor creaked ominously, threatening to overheat under the weight of his tumultuous feelings.

From anyone else, Skyfire would have raised an optic ridge and shrugged his shoulders at the action. But Starscream… Well, everyone knew how much the current Prime adored the Homo Sapien race. He played games with them. He let then ride inside him. He supported them so strongly that many of his fellow Autobots wondered if he had gone native.

Starscream, however, did not hold the Earthlets in high regard.

Like everything he found inferior, Starscream's censure was remarkably frank. Skyfire had witnessed a good deal of venting from the former Decepticon to know just how poorly he thought of the "fleshy parasites'. The mech had shown no signs of warming up to them, and the Autobot shuttle had thought it unlikely that his friend ever would.

So, for Starscream initiate the contact, it meant something. 

In the pursuit of staking his claim, he had abandoned the familiar comfort of tradition to engage in a "primitive" culture's mating rituals in a display that was likely learned with the intent of pleasing his Endura. Skyfire had never disliked the humans, but he had never seen the point of locking faces with the one you loved. It had looked rather silly to him like they were hungry spark-eaters attempting to devour their opponents' spark through their faces. The way the humans moaned into their mates had never failed nervous giggles out of him. Their desperation made it seem as if each breath might be their last. 

The act hardly seemed enjoyable, let alone appropriate for lovers. 

So, the shock of seeing the dear one who would be forever cherished but never his mashing those delicately formed mouthparts against the Prime's own… well, for once he was not laughing. In fact, …

'Enough.' Skyfire thought, draining his cup. 'I've seen enough.'

Sometimes you had to take care of yourself, and logic dictated that he left before the couple did something else that he was unprepared to handle. If Starscream asked after his absence, he would say he had misjudged his tolerance for high-grade and, after recognizing his inebriated state, had elected to retire rather than cause a spectacle that would have disgraced them both. It might even be valid to some extent. He had undoubtedly drunk more than he should have. Perhaps it was sufficient to question his sobriety?

He was usually abstinent, so having no experience in the matter, he was unsure whether he was officially intoxicated or merely tipsy. But what he did recognize that, while he might have started drinking because he had desired the Energon from holovids that induced temporary amnesia, the processed fuel had made him fixate on the matter instead.

He would be writing a series of unrelentingly critical reviews once he felt more like himself.

In the meantime, Skyfire would concentrate his efforts on accepting the finality of his circumstances. It wasn't that the shuttle was any less happy for them, he just… He needed more time to distance himself from his attraction. Perhaps he would take a tour of duty to an outpost world and unexpectedly meet his long-awaited match where he least expected it. Doubtful, but stranger things had happened.

Preferring to execute a swift departure over continuing to linger, he had walked towards the exit with a manufactured composure he did not feel. 

He had only stopped once, returning the nod of acknowledgment Ratchet had sent his way before the medic returned his gaze to the couple, an odd emotion playing across the older mech's face. If anyone else noticed his retreat, they did not question him, and he passed through the security doors without event.

As the bitterly cold night air greeted him, he tried to ignore the voice that snidely whispered that his only chance at domestic happiness was tucked in the protective embrace of another mech.


End file.
